lost?

Many of us spend our lives attempting to ‘find ourselves.’ Respectfully, though, what the fuck does that mean? Is it our Purpose, with a capital P? Maybe our personalities in their final forms? Or is it that almost unattainable feeling of satisfaction that we seek? Whatever it is, it’s doing a great job at being an elusive cross to bear.

Dante was once lost. Well, technically, he found himself to be lost. It’s not the same thing – just ask old man Frank near St. Mark’s. Read below and decide for yourself.

“Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura,
ché la diritta via era smarrita.”

Regardless of your interpretation, Dante has to make his way through the inferno. Have you ever been so out of touch with your intuition and spirit that you end up in your own hellhole? Simply by being born into the hands of our parents, who are battling their own demons, we are at a disadvantage. We are born with one foot in the dark forest and one in the light.

Now, almost on the opposite end of the spectrum is Siddhartha.

Siddhartha’s on a journey of self-discovery. Perhaps he’s actually more similar to Dante than I originally thought, although I relate to both of them in different ways. Siddhartha eventually finds his river and learns to listen to it. Learning to listen is hard. I mean, no wonder it took him his whole life.

I often feel lost, strayed from the path. Sometimes, it’s even as if I had never set foot on the path to begin with. Have I ever been even remotely near the straight path? The right path? Has everyone embarked on their journey of self-discovery, and I’m still at the docks?

I was a premie, born with my umbilical cord around my neck—I wasn’t even on the right path then. I’ve felt stuck in the seemingly eternal purgatory for a while, feeling like I haven’t taken the first step. I never even knew there was a path until recently.

As I reach my mid-twenties, I get closer to it and to my very own river. I’ve gotten better at listening when it matters. I’ve also gotten better at not listening when it doesn’t. Siddhartha claimed love is essential to reach nirvana. Reality is subjective, and things only exist in reality. Love, however, exists in you.

I don’t believe I’ve learned to love in this way, in the way that Dante loves Beatrice and that Siddhartha loves his son. It’s a love that transcends reality and is merely a road towards peace. I’ve learned to listen to my river, which is less like a river than a kind of silence.

Noise is true hell. The noise in my mind, in my home, in my path—it is violent.

When I am surrounded by silence that is so strong that all I can hear is everything and every voice, that’s when I know. In those moments, I know I’m on the right path.

Author: Vero

professional jack of all trades

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