sex ed: extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile yeast infections

Yeast infections suck. They can itch, burn, smell, and just feel gross overall. Yes, both penis and vagina-owners can get them.

What is it?

Yeast infections are literally just overgrowths of yeast in your vagina/on your penis. You have yeast up there. That’s normal. It becomes a problem when there’s too much. You’re not a bakery. You don’t need a surplus of that shit.

For vaginas, it can look like clumpy white discharge that doesn’t feel right. Something’s off. You can feel it. You can smell it. If you don’t know what your discharge looks/feels/smells like normally, please take the time to check it out. Light a candle, sit back and relax. Put your safari hat on. Explore. Now that you know what normal is for you, you can know what not-normal looks like. For penises, there can be bumps and irritation. It can be itchy; there may be swelling.

Why is this happening to me?

Variety of reasons, usually not your fault. New hormonal birth control, antibiotics, uncontrolled diabetes, tight-ass clothing, getting raw-dogged in a Wendy’s bathroom. Anything, really. Sometimes your body just gets upset and gives you a yeast infection. Some people never experience it; some people experience it at least once and many times. The luck of the draw.

Ok, get rid of it.

If this isn’t your first rodeo, you know what’s up. For newbies, let’s get you up to speed. You should probably go to the doctor. Some yeast infections are rowdier than others and need a special prescription, like Fluconazole. In some countries, such as the Dominican Republic, you can get that over the counter. In the United States, no way.

You can, however, try Monistat, which is a cream that you gotta rub all over or shove up there with a handy-dandy syringe. They have various strengths, and they are all easily accessible at any pharmacy. It can take anywhere between 1-7 for it to work, depending on strength and type. Personally, Monistat never works for me, so I have to get my trusty Fluconazole. That shit leaves you brand new in about 3 days. Marvelous.

Please don’t use homemade treatments you found online on some health websites. Garlic, tea tree oil, yogurt, and boric acid will not cure you. They might make it worse or cause some other issues. Then you’ll definitely have to call your doctor.

Still, want to know more? Check out my favorite resource and app, Clue.

Author: Vero Silvestri

A 22 year old trying to figure shit out.

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