Welcome to college! You either want to get into a frat/srat or wish to simply benefit from those who are currently in one. Either way, you need to be adequately prepared to enter the disgusting abyss that is a frat party.
First – change your attitude. The party is, most definitely, going to be underwhelming. You’ll feel a rush of adrenaline as you walk in, just to be hit with a pile of bricks called ‘disappointment.’ Why are they playing “Hips Don’t Lie,” yet everyone on the dance floor is incapable of shaking their hips? So many questions will forever remain unanswered – not even Indiana Jones can uncover these mysteries.
Get a ‘fracket.’ Frat jacket (noun): A jacket you own specifically for going to frat parties, so your other jackets don’t get contaminated with disgusting frat party smells. Actually, get some frat shoes too. Go to a T.J. Maxx and buy some clearance sneakers, and call it a day.
Bring your own condoms. You know they ‘forgot to bring them.’ Be prepared. Shit, buy your own condoms, don’t solely rely on free pharmacy Lifestyle ones. Those are dookie, and you deserve better.
Please, wear whatever the fuck you want. This party hosted by Gamma Kappa Pie is not worth the sacrifice of wearing a crop top in the snow. Wear something comfortable. Nobody gives a fuck.
Learn to not give a fuck. They don’t, why should you? Towards the end of the party, make sure you raid their kitchen. After suffering through the 1 hour SoundCloud remix of Tove Lo’s ‘Habits,’ you deserve to eat the finest of meals – pizza logs. Ask any shit-faced frat boy you find, and he’ll lead you to the goods. Or just look for it yourself. Who cares.